Shifting Slowly

People often ask me, “How do you have it together? You seem like you have the answers but you’re so young.” I don’t have it all together. I’m just dedicated to the journey. I’m dedicated to this journey of life. I have to be or life would swallow me whole and I would be lost.

Having it “together” is something I’ve tried to achieve for years. Whether it was by achieving stability through friendships, relationships, family, work or life experiences. However, I learned that being stable isn’t what we’re meant to do. We’re meant to move around. To figure out, to go up and down, to feel up and down, to succeed and fail, to go from here to there and back again. We’re built to move, to stretch, to question, to doubt because that’s the only way we learn. We learn through curiosity and most of our lives should be spent learning ourselves. It’s in learning ourselves, who we are, what makes us breathe, what takes our breath away, what scares us, what pushes us, what we hate and love, that make us.

When we go on the journey of discovering ourselves, we go on a journey of a lifetime. We don’t reach a place of ending. The journey to ourselves, to who we are, to discovering what our purpose is, is the greatest and most frightening journey you’ll take.

I think the very first thing you must do to figure out who you are is Forgiving yourself.

Forgiveness is so powerful. Forgiveness is the beginning of letting yourself off the hook and not taking yourself so seriously. Forgiveness is letting go. It is letting go of feelings of unworthiness. These feelings of less than and unworthiness are built over the years and stored into our unconscious mind called the ego. Most of us live unconsciously, meaning, we live as life is thrown at us instead of living consciously and deciding in the moment how to live. We can describe living unconsciously like a routine; day in and day out doing things we think we’re supposed to be doing but without much thought or effort. Not actually living life. Living a numb state.

Living consciously means living with reason. Deciding with reason. Feeling and living each moment as they are happening. Living consciously means to feel and live with purpose.

We all have what’s called, ego. Ego is your false identity. Living through our ego is living with beliefs and making unconscious decisions based on these beliefs.

The ego is the thing, the other side of you, that will always hold you back from any good you deserve. The ego will always talk shit to you. It will tell you you aren’t good enough or even worse, not worthy enough. The ego is the part of you that wants to control everything around you; things, people, events. The ego is your unconscious mind, the part of your identity that you consider “yourself”. Ego is the thing that protects you from feeling anything deep and living a meaningful life. Ego is built on your conditioned mind. The part of yourself that is conditioned to believe things such as; I’m broken, I’m not enough or I’m too much. The way to get to the root of these beliefs is by going inward.

Most of us are living a surface life and trying hard not to have to feel much. The more we can numb the better. We are basically in a numb state at all times. Going from one time consuming event to another; t.v. watching, facebook scrolling, weekend partying and consumer shopping. This is the ego having us believe we’re living this full life. It is external living. There is no depth to this. No real big picture. No purpose but to pass the time.

We stay at a surface level by living a life we “think” we’re supposed to live but not finding much meaning to it. Always searching for our purpose. We were taught to believe we need to reach certain goals to live a fulfilling life; successful job, home, cars and money in the bank. We are conditioned to believe that material success will bring us everlasting joy and peace. How many of us have fallen short from that?

We are taught, as young as infants, not to feel. As baby’s we are immediately picked up by our caregivers at the first sound of a whimper. This quick “don’t cry” method goes on throughout our lives. We are taught that crying is bad. That it’s a form of weakness. Instead, it is in the crying that we often find our answers and the things we are most needing in our lives. It is in the crying that makes us tender, compassionate and vulnerable enough to open up to ourselves and open up to our lives. Once we can do that. Once we can open up to ourselves we can then open up to those around us and see that we are all humans and connected on a deeper level. It is here we begin the process of living a deeper, more meaningful, purpose driven life.

The first step to getting there is ‘forgiveness.’ Not forgiveness of others, not just yet, but forgiving yourself. Forgive yourself for all the false beliefs you have of yourself, for all the mean words and thoughts you have of yourself, for thinking you are less than. Once you can do this you will begin to see yourself and the truths of yourself will come forward.

You need to begin here; in forgiving yourself; to get your true self to start showing up.

In the beginning this will be hard. Your ego will fight you and make it hard for you to spin thoughts into a positive. Remember you have believed these false things of yourself for years, maybe even a lifetime. To take apart the conditioned mind and get you to a place where you are living the truths of your heart takes patience and repetition until it becomes natural to think only with your heart; your true self.

So let’s begin:

Go to a mirror, look deep into your eyes and see yourself. Just observe for a minute. Notice the color of your eyes, their shape. Notice your lashes, brows. Your nose, the nostrils. Move to your lips and notice their shape and color. Now look at your face as a whole, noticing any wrinkles, laugh lines, beauty marks and slowly begin to think of your face as just skin. Then begin to look Into your eyes and calling yourself by your name, out loud, say: (Name) I see you, (Name) I see your eyes, your nose, your mouth and all the other parts of you. I see you (name) and I know who you are on the inside. (Name) I Forgive you. (Name) I believe in you and I know I will find My way home. (Name) you are worth it. (Name) I love you.

Begin this as a daily practice and begin to see the changes in you almost immediately.