Shifting Slowly

If we are not enough for ourselves, we can’t be enough for others. To be enough means you have accepted yourself for who you are; quirks and all. That you are content with yourself and nothing anyone else tells you will have you doubt yourself.

There will always be others that have an opinion on your life, your choices, your everything because they are likely not happy with themselves and so they project; placing unwanted feelings onto others.

It takes courage, a thick skin & in my case, healing & acceptance, not to want to succumb to these people or agree with them or worse, just tell them ‘yes’ to just make them shut up. You have to have the courage to turn to them and say, “These are my choices, you don’t have to agree with them. I’d love your support but I will continue even without it.”

It’s taken me over 30 years to be this way. And it not only took a breakdown and therapy and anxiety and succumbing a million times before I finally got the courage to be me but it also took some extra things, like distance.

Sometimes distance is the way to make the things or people in your life that are hard to be around because of their constant judgments & toxicity to be able to see them from a different view. Sometimes distance is the only way because they are not always in your face trying to break you down. Distance is a good thing at times because you can think for yourself & allow yourself the opportunity to build yourself up & release the conditions that bound you. And ultimately, to create a foundation separate from the one you were conditioned in. There is such a thing as being around certain energies that will result in the type of energy you bring.

For instance, if you’re constantly around negative energy, you will feel and think negatively because energy is real and although you can’t see it, you can feel it; negative or positive; high or low and the more you’re around others, because of human connection, you can take on those energies.

So distance, I’ve learned, is a good way to keep things at an even keel. With distance, you get to choose when to be around that energy. You get to work on yourself and put the work in without the constant negative energies. You get to live your life how you want and create a world of being enough for yourself and get strong enough to see that you are you and your mental and emotional state matters the most before you can be around others’ mental and emotional states.

All of this takes work and practice and time. We are not magically healed one day after putting the work in. Healing is a daily practice. Being enough has to be in constant check. You will go through moments where the doubts will creep in. The noise of other people’s opinions will drain you and have you question yourself and that is why a daily practice is needed to sustain and live this beautiful life.

Your practice is yours. Whatever you choose as self-care, is what works for you. No two practices are alike. My practice also changes and grows daily. And at times, my practice has regressed and I haven’t put the work in and my energy gets the low end of it. It is ok, we are human and time is not an amenity we all have. However, I’ve realized that the thing that matters to me the most is my state of emotions and my mental state and if they are not put first and taken care of, I can not fill the cup of others.

Self-love is real for me and having gone years without it and now having it, I know I never want to lose it again.

Being enough for myself I am also teaching the younger eyes that watches me and looks up to me how to not make the same mistakes I did. That self-love is something to thrive for and to care for each day. That quiet moment’s matter. That finding who she is matters. That whatever she chooses to make her happy, matters. That her choices matter and although I could have an opinion on it, it doesn’t mean she needs to live according to what they are or that I should spew them onto her. Of course, as a parent, I have opinions and want to protect her from hurting, but it is in the hurting and pain that she will learn what is enough for her. In the bruises and cuts, she will rise and heal and be enough for herself.